Andrea Kalaydjian, is a system analyst with more than 20 years experience in the IT field and a New Insight Certified life coach
Born in Argentina, where she studied and started her career, she has also worked in the UK, USA and South Africa where she currently lives....
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Archive for Attitude
Improving your life – Have you heard of the model of change?
Posted by: | CommentsChange is not easy for everyone. We are creatures of habits, and once we acquire them we need to make a conscious effort to change them.
Many people are unhappy with their lives, but few of them actually do something to improve it. Some think that they do not have the power to do it. For others they know they can change it but they are scared of change. They are quite comfortable where they are. So they are not desperate enough to change.
I want to talk to you today about the model of change. When someone decides to change they normally go through the same process. There are 6 steps in this model:
- You realize that you are unhappy with the current situation. At this stage you know you are unhappy but you have not done anything about it.
- At this stage you are thinking and deciding what you can do. You consider different options, getting help, changing career, jobs, houses, marital status, country, cars, diets, habits or anything that you may be unhappy about. For example you are deciding if you should go back to university to further your studies, or if you should stop smoking to improve your health.
- At this stage you take relevant action. Now you set your goals and milestones, and you do what you need to do to achieve them. For example you register at university, you start a diet, you stop smoking completely or partially. It takes lots of courage to get at this point and only 5% of people that are unhappy really take action.
- By this stage you have been taking action regularly. You may have achieved some milestones, like doing a subject or losing 2 kilos, or being cigarette free for 2 weeks. You are probably feeling positive about this change and you know you can conquer it, although sometimes you may feel overwhelmed about it.
- At this stage you may regress a bit. Suddenly you do not feel like studying, you are missing your TV program or going out with friends. Or maybe you had a social event where you could not resist that cigarette or the food. Next day you were too tired to go to the gym, and once you missed a session you felt lazy to carry on. Yes you have regressed in your journey of change. This does not mean that you have failed. Everyone is allowed to regress, it is normal, so you do not need to beat yourself up.
- At this stage you have realised that if you do not get your act together you probably will never change. So you bounce back and you continue taking action towards your change. It is now time to celebrate. You have achieved your desired change and you are now happy.
Sometimes you may get stuck in any of these stages. It may seem like nothing is happening. So what do you do then?
- If you are unhappy about a situation, then look at yourself, be honest and take responsibility. You are the only one to blame. Look inside yourself and make a plan to change.
- Thinking and deciding: Well just see how this situation has affected your life and realise that unless you do something different you will always get the same results.
- Plan the change and make a commitment to yourself to carry on with it.
- It is easier to maintain action if you set up small milestones. Celebrate each time you reach a milestone. Share it with someone and allow yourself a pat on your back.
- You may or may not regress, and that depends on your determination to change and your circumstances. But if you do, then I suggest that you accept that regression is normal, learn from it and take action again to continue the journey of change.
- Once change has occurred then it is time to celebrate and decide to change something else.
Some people are scared of change. And it is understandable, But remember everything is constantly changing. If you do not change, then you may be left behind. Change is needed to grow and learn. Learning is our purpose in this lifetime.
Remember we cannot fail, we are just learning, so if we think about it, we have nothing to lose by changing.
I encourage to look at something you are unhappy in your life and change it. Tells us about your journey, sharing it you may help someone else.
Bad habits – 5 tips to weed them out
Posted by: | CommentsAs I was weeding my garden I noticed that I could easily pull out the weeds where the soil was soft and moist. On the other hand I could not pull out weeds where the soil was not as moist, and I started to think that these weeds were quite stubborn. My mind soon made the connection; these weeds are too stubborn like some of our bad habits
I also came to realize that like weeds that grow quite easily, our bad habits are acquired without even noticing it. On the other hand, it is harder to acquire good habits in the same way as it is harder to grow a tree. Why is that?
Well I do not have an answer to that. I suppose a good habit entails discipline and persistence, while a bad habit is more fun.
If you are at a stage when you have decided to get rid of these stubborn weeds, then here are 5 tips to ease the journey.
1. Decide on which habit you are going to break first, and tackle one at a time. I have tried breaking many habits simultaneously, hoping that at the end of the 30 days I would be a different person, but it becomes too overwhelming.
2. Write your new habit down together with the reason or the “why” you want to break it. Knowing the “why” will motivate you to succeed. Keep the actual writing where you can see it. This way if you get too involved with your daily activities you will be reminded. If the habit requires a specific time slot in your day, like exercising, then book it out in your diary (if you use one).
3. Start small. If you decide you want to exercise, do not set as a habit to walk for 5 km because that is not going to happen at the beginning and then you will get discouraged and quit. Rather set yourself a habit of walking 200 meters and increase the distance every day.
4. Use some triggers: Triggers are especially useful since our bad habits are buried deep in our subconscious. But if you keep reminders then it would definite help. For example if you are trying to form the habit to place your keys in the same place as you enter your house, make a note and stick it on the wall, or place something near the entrance that would remind you of what you need to do.
5. Tell someone what you are doing. That will hold you accountable and the person can also give you a pat in the back when you are actually practicing your habit
I do believe also that the habits also agree with your values. If what you are trying to change does not represent an important value in your life then you would probably not be so determined to change. But if the habit you want to break is related to your most important values then you will surely succeed at weeding out your habit.
I would encourage you to decide on a bad habit you want to break and post it here, Let us know how you are doing.
Failure – 5 tips to overcome failures
Posted by: | CommentsVisualize this, you or your spouse is in hospital giving birth to beautiful baby, all babies are beautiful. That child comes to this World with a purpose. He grows and soaks knowledge like a sponge. His first crawling attempts seem very frustrating. I remember watching my child during his first crawling attempts. He was so frustrated; he was going backwards no forwards. We used to place objects nearby so that he would reach for them, but he used to complain because he could not move forward. My poor baby could not crawl.
Today my child is 5 years old and he does not only walk but he runs. He proudly tells me he is the fastest in his class. What would have happened if that child had given up when he was a baby and had decided “he was not good enough to crawl”? In that case today he would be sitting on a chair without enjoying his freedom to run and walk or kick his ball whenever he feels like.
My son, like any other child came to this world with a purpose and dreams. Did you hear well? All children are born with dreams and a purpose. You were once a child and you are still a child. Therefore you have dreams and a purpose.
Moreover I want to tell you what I believe our purpose is in this world. I believe our purpose is to learn. Yes, this is something that I believe in, but I also need to remind myself every day. The learning process does not entail failures. Whatever we do, right or wrong, is a learning experience. Moreover, when we do things right straight away we do not learn much. What could we learn if we had a fairy tale type of life, if everything had a happy end? Probably nothing. That is why when we do the wrong things we do learn. When something hurts us, when we suffer is when we notice what happens to us, our feelings and that is when we really learn. Of course, this is a generalization; there are people that need to live the same experience several times before they learn. There are others that learn even if they do the right thing
What I wanted to highlight in this article is that failures as such do not exist. Yes, you have heard well. Failure is a mindset. It depends on our point of view, we can see the glass half empty or half full. Moreover if we apply the universal law of allowing, everything happens for a specific reason. Perhaps you had to get married first to then find your ideal partner, o perhaps you needed to go bankrupt five times before building an empire.
Imagine if Bill Gates had felt as a failure when Windows 3.1 was launched. It was a disaster, and you still get jokes about Windows. However I would not say that Microsoft is a failure.
In general people that get far and succeed start a Project believing that they will succeed. I do acknowledge that is not always easy to keep motivated when things do not turn out as expected.
I wanted to share with you 5 tips that will help you overcome that failure feeling:
1- Once you have calmed down alter a so called “Failure” event, evaluate the situation: What could you have done differently? Just be careful. This is not to beat yourself up; this is to learn from the event. If you have not done it this way you probably would not have learned.
2- Make a list of how this situation or event has served you. Make a list, as well, of how this event has served everyone else involved.
3- If someone is pointing fingers at you, remember that probably that person is accusing you of something he is guilty for. Remember, what others think of you it has nothing to do with you.
4- Remember that failure as such does not exist. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had. Learn from it. If you know you would not fail, wouldn’t you take greater risks?
5- Whatever you do, no matter how big the mistake you do, please do not feel ashamed. Acknowledge the mistake and keep your head up.
I would love to hear your experiences on this, and how you react when things do not work out as you expected. We can all learn from others experiences.
The power of now – do you take the time to be present?
Posted by: | CommentsI love techie staff. There is no doubt that technology advancements achieved in the last 15 years have made the world smaller and allowed us to be connected in a way that we never imagined before.
It definitely has its benefits to be able to see what other person on the other side of the world is doing or attend a teleconference in the opposite side of the world. In principle it can help us to live a more efficient life, can make things easier and faster. We certainly do not have to wait ten days to get a response in the mail. We can literally get a response from someone else in 2 seconds. The internet has allowed us to learn about things and people that we did not even know existed. It has allowed us to check what other people do if they are presented with similar circumstances that we may encounter.
I personally when I have any problem I always research the internet to see how other people have resolved it. Internet, fancy cell phones, iphones, web enabled phones, blackberries, ipods, Gps, are all powerful tools.
Indeed very powerful. So powerful that many times they are in control of our lives, and we forget to enjoy the simpler things, to embrace the power of now.
The power of now? What is such a thing? I am always aware of the now, you might say…. Are you sure? Could you honestly say that when you are having breakfast in the morning you are savoring every mouthful. Are you feeling the spoon touching your lips? When you take a shower, are you aware of every drop of water on your skin? Or are you thinking of the next phone call you need to make, or how you are going to pay the bills this month?
When your child talks to you, can you honestly say that you have listened to everything he said, did you notice every single expression in his face, or were you too busy thinking what you would say to him. We think that because we have all these tools we need to be working or depending on them 24/7. But that was not the intention. The intention was to use them as a tool to carry out our work more efficiently, but keeping the control.
Unfortunately most of us have given our power away and we live depending on these tools. Being present allows us to enjoy every single moment, feeling every bit of our bodies reaction, feeling every drop of water. It is not easy, and we need to make a conscious decision every day to enjoy the present:
1- Do not multitask. Do one thing at a time and fully concentrate on that thing.
2- Sit down and have breakfast with your family or alone, but have breakfast, experiencing each spoon as a child would do. Do not read the paper or think about your day during this time.
3- Book yourself half an hour, just for yourself to fill up your cup.
4- When commuting, take 2 to 3 days a week, to just be present, do not listen to the radio or ipod, Just observe and enjoy your space.
5- At the end of the day when returning home, and having supper do not answer phone calls
6- Every morning make a conscious decision to enjoy the power of now.
Once you do this, please take note of your feelings. If you not feeling good, ask yourself why. If you do, then maybe you can look forward to other changes in your life. Whatever you do, do not beat yourself up. We are always learning.
Never give up: An inspiring story
Posted by: | CommentsDo you know when you feel that everything goes wrong in your life and that light at the end of the tunnel never arrives, can you identify with that feeling? Somehow we think nothing can be worst than our situation, and we get stuck in our trend of thought, and your world seems to get darker and darker.
The point here is that our thoughts are creating our reality, and our thoughts can be changed. I am not saying is easy, but it is a choice you can take whenever you decide to. Last week I was reminded that we never fail. Failure does not exist. And I do believe so. I do believe that we are in this world to learn, and we cannot learn if we do everything right from the start. We need to “fail” to learn. A baby when starts walking, falls all the time but we do not label him as a failure. Why do we label us as a failure when we do not succeed the first time? Yes we may not succeed the first time, but you have an opportunity, like the baby, to get up again and try again. Never, ever give up!! And if you feel like giving up, bookmark this video below in yoru computer and take 5 minutes to watch it. I am sure you will think differently…
Enjoy it and have a great day!!
Interesting people – Are you an interesting person?
Posted by: | CommentsLately I have been accused not only of not being an interesting person but of being the most uninteresting person in the world.
Well, first I took offense of it but then I started thinking what makes a person interesting.
This is not an easy question to answer. We are here born into this world, as unique persons, we all have unique virtues and unique obstacles to overcome, We all have unique experiences we have lived through and unique lessons to learn. We all have our unique purposes to live, so what entitles someone to judge another person as the most uninteresting person in the world. That cannot be true, because a person can be very uninteresting to someone and the next person can find me very interesting because of their values. and experiences.
Unfortunately people that are not talkative are often labeled as boring. I personally do not talk much, because I do not find a need for it. I communicate when needed, but find no value in small talk. Also because we live in a time where we have busy schedules and less time for ourselves, and also because of all negative news we are surrounded by, I choose not to listen to news or read newspapers or magazines. So, yes I do not know much what is going on around in Hollywood, or in politics, but I know quite a bit of what is going on on the online world. So, yes If someone comes to talk with me about the latest gossip in Hollywood or in politics, I would probably sound very boring to them.
So are introverted people uninteresting? Thinking about it, I just think we all have a connection with everybody, and depends on that connection we can find some interesting and some not. But I do believe we are all interesting people and we all came here to live different experiences, and maybe one’s lesson maybe is too be quieter and maybe some of us have a greater connection without words, and without needing to do small talk.
And indeed, if I find a person that knows lots about my own interests, surely I would find them more interesting than someone that has completely different values to mine.
Well, after rambling a bit here, my point is that everyone in this planet is interesting, and have some lessons to live and learn. So we cannot judge someone else by its cover, without attempting to know their situation. And there is always the issue of “when you pointing fingers to someone, there are always three fingers pointing back to you”. Something to think about.
It has been a while… Change is good
Posted by: | CommentsWell, it has been a while since my last post and can you believe that we are already in the second month of 2010.
I apologize for not having posted before, but I myself have gone through lots of changes in my life, and was really trying to adapt to them. I will talk about them later on.
So this is a short blog to let you now, that I am still around, and that I will be implementing some changes in my blog.
Initially thought it was going to be just a technical blog, but I always loved self development, so I am planning to intertwine both of them., and will be releasing some products as I go along.
My experience has been this year that sometimes I get scared and want to go back to what it was, to the safety net I had before, to what I know, and I know I am good at. But then I look at myself, and say, well if I keep just in one place, sure enough I will be excellent in what I do, but that will be just so narrow minded. We only have an average of 80 years in this lifetime, and if we only experience one thing all our life, what a lose… We could have experienced so much more, and what is the worst that can happen if we do not succeed?
Lets be honest, what is the worst and worst that can happen if we take a risk and we do not succeed. Well to be honest the worst is that we can die in the process. But other than that, if we ended up in any other situation we do not like, believe me, we always have the power to raise ourselves out of that situation, and change our lives again.
Remember we are energy, our thoughts are energy and we create and we can create everything we have around us, so no matter what situation we find ourselves into, we can change it.
Life and dreams – Is your dream just a dream?
Posted by: | CommentsAre your life and dreams working together? I just want to share something I experienced today, and maybe realized how short life is, and how many of us go through life full of fears and never living the life we have dreamed of.
I went to visit today some ex-colleagues at the office I used to work, only to hear that one of them had suddenly passed away. Now this was a shock to me and I felt very sad. I have known this person for 20 years, and I was quite friendly with him. I cannot remember the last time we talked, but the couple of times I saw him lately he was not looking good. At the same time, he complained of being tired and had no interest in his work. For more than 20 years this person worked in the same company, in the same department, and I could see he had lost interest, and he would have loved to have a quiet life fishing somewhere. But fear and commitment kept him there without taking a risk.
Four years ago, I also lost a friend, she passed away unexpectedly, and it was a shock. But she was also bound to her job because of fear, and when the company was bought out she ended up losing her job. Shortly after that she passed away. Another young life gone without having lived what she dreamed of.
Ten years ago, I lost my younger sister. After a long and painful illness she left this world, and also she was working until almost the last month of her life. She felt responsible to finish her work, but I do not believe she was living her dream.
Here is an example of three people that left this world unexpectedly at a young age, and they were doing what they had to do, but not what they dreamed of doing. As I got home today, I felt the energy of all three of them around me, and saying me “You go girl! Do not give up!, We all going to pass away, so take a risk and do what you love”.
I am so blessed I could quit my job, and although I am still on my way to building my business and I probably not sure if this is my life purpose, I know there is no turning back for me. I will never settle for another job because of fear.
So I want to leave you with a thought today. Are you living your life like if today was your last day on Earth. Remember there is only one certain thing, we are all going to leave this world one day. The question will be weather you just talked about your dreams with no action, or you actually lived your dreams with passion.
Change your life – change your mind
Posted by: | CommentsIf you want to change your life change your mind. This sometimes sounds quite harsh to people that do not
know how mind works, but the reality is that is truth. Your life reflects your thoughts. So if you want to
have a great life you need to think great thoughts.
And I know is hard to think great thoughts, but I learned it is the only way. We are surrounded with so much negativity that no wonder there is so many depressed people. Newspapers, and news broadcasts are so negative that even we assume is natural.
I recently went to visit my family to my home country. Having lived far from my country for almost 20 years, I forget every time I go there how dramatic the news broadcast are. I was there at the time of the swine fever and other mosquito illnesses were going around. For the three weeks I was there the news broadcasters only talked about the same issues. The sad part is that you could sense it in the people reaction. They were so stressed up about the matter, that were scared of being in contact with nature. No wonder people on the street were unfriendly and negative.
So yes, if you want to change your life change your mind. You need to make a conscious effort to do so. You can use affirmations, you could also ask a close person to remind you every day about it, you could read a positive book every day, a nice thing to do is writing a gratitude list every day. Iy only takes 5 minutes to write a gratitude list. Just mention the things you are grateful for. Also helps to keep positive affirmations on the walls or bathroom mirror. and surround yourself with positive people. You will soon notice that the principle of change your life change your mind is truth
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Attitude definition – What is it in a nutshell?
Posted by: | CommentsThe attitude definition according to WIkipedia is: Attitudes are generally positive or negative views of a person, place, thing, or event– this is often referred to as the attitude object.”
Positive attitude is everything
How relevant is this attitude definition? To me what is important is how seriously we take into consideration this definition, and how often we are reminded of it and change out attitude consciously as a result of it.
Attitude is a choice. We can consciously decide to have a positive or a negative attitude. I know it sounds simpler than what it is. When we are caught in our own problems, and worries the last thing we think about is the attitude we are taking.
Lets take an example, we are waken up early in the morning by an alarm clock, and instead of jump0ing out of bed with a smile, we get up worried that we have to drive all the way to work to a grumpy boss.
But what if we went to sleep with the attitude definition in mind, and next morning we get up earlier thinking about our attitude. We then smile to our partner or cat, and put on a nice CD (please do not wake up with the news). ,Then we get up and dress, and prepare a nice cup of coffee, read a nice motivating book for 15 minutes and we set up for a long drive with a positive attitude. Then as you drive is someone cuts in front of you, you will be much more relaxed and instead of getting angry at the other driver you will be sending him.her love.
How do you think your day will go by? I can guarantee you that even if you have a bad day, having a good attitude will make the day look rosy, but if your attitude is negative your day will look really black.
So why not try and tomorrow get up with the positive aspect of the attitude definition. You might be pleasantly surprised/
The first thing we probably think about is the negative things, what we are pressed t
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